Hot teachers and sex with students

Three more female teachers have been jailed after it was discovered that they had sex with students in Tampa, FL. MSN has a video report on this. Plus, if you do a search on MSN Live, you’ll get plenty of search results summarizing recent news stories about similar events.

What bothers me about these reports is that the boys in question are always categorized as “abused”. It’s a great example of societal hypocrisy. To those that say that, I say this: BS! Seriously, does any male in their right mind think these boys were abused? Young boys practically swoon and fawn over attractive female teachers. It’s been going on for ages. They fantasize, and they do “other things” as well to “cope” with those crushes. So when these boys — in spite of what they might say now to the authorities — had the chance to engage in those sexual encounters, do you think they had doubts for even a second? Not a chance. Seriously, have these adults trying the women’s cases forgotten their own childhoods?

Sure, those boys will deny it now, and agree that they were corrupted, and to some extent, I agree with that characterization, as you’ll see below, but they engaged in the encounters willingly, happily and repeatedly. Given the chance to do it again, they did it and still would do it again. They went back for more, time and time again. In the case of one of the teachers, she had an orgy in a hotel room where more than 10 teens were in “attendance”. That is not abuse. That’s really slutty behavior on both sides.

Look, don’t get me wrong. I agree that the teachers did something unethical. They abused their position of authority as teachers, and they corrupted the normal teacher-pupil bond by engaging and participating in those situations. Furthermore, it was morally wrong to start an adult-level relationship with a child, in spite of their physical maturity. From a religious point of view, what they committed was adultery, and that’s clearly wrong. But we need to look at this objectively, from a civic point of view.

We should look at how much damage was caused to what we call the “victims”. It’s possible that the teachers corrupted the boys, in the sense that they introduced them to sexual situations that boys don’t normally encounter. One’s perspective in life changes once one has had those sorts of experiences. They will look at sex differently. They will look at relationships differently.

Then again, it depends greatly on how those teachers approached the situations, and how the boys viewed the encounters. In the context of “love”, not sex — and suspend for a moment the disbelief that love can exist when the age disparity is so great — it’s quite possible to have a healthier outcome, whatever that means. There are varying degrees of perception, and they depend on each individual. One must ask how ready the boys were, physically and mentally, for such an experience, and how much mutual respect there was in each “relationship”, etc… It’s a gray area, and it needs to be looked at as such. Clearly in the case of the hotel room orgy, there was no respect or “love”, simply animal sex, and that should be looked at as corruption of a minor (or rather, multiple minors).

If one is to look at this as a black and white situation, was there sex with a minor? Yes. Should it have taken place? No. Should the standard punishment apply? NO. This is not typical sexual abuse. The boys weren’t coerced. They enjoyed it, every minute of it. They went back for more. They probably bragged to their friends, etc… These are all attenuating circumstances.

In the grand picture, are these situations going to create more long-term sequelae for the boys than any of the following situations:

  • A young girl who has consensual sex with her boyfriend, but then finds out he is calling her a slut to all his friends, and is bragging about having “bagged” her, etc.
  • A young boy who has consensual sex with his girlfriend, but then finds out she is making fun of his naked body, or the size of his… manhood, or about the sounds or face he made during sex, etc.
  • A young boy or girl who are convinced by their “friends” to experiment with same-sex encounters when they’re not really interested, just questioning themselves.
  • A young girl who is forced into sex by her boyfriend, but is too ashamed to admit it afterwards.
  • A girl who is slipped a mickey or gotten drunk at a party, then gang-raped by classmates or friends while she’s unaware of what’s going on.

What happened to these boys is peanuts, literally. Yet all these “offenders” described in the bullet list above would not be prosecuted under law. Seriously, I think any one of us has either heard of “gray-area” situations like these, or experienced them in person. I can practically guarantee you that the boys and girls who have gone through the situations I described above will have more sequelae and will experience more long-term trauma than the boys who’ve had sex with their teachers in recent news. It’s pretty much a given. Yet which situations are getting more attention? These ones? Why? Because it makes it easy for prosecutors to look good. And it makes for good news. That’s why. And it’s hypocritical.

I could go on and on and talk about situations that are much worse than that, like serious rape cases, or sexual torture, or sexual mutilation. These are much more serious, yet in terms of news coverage and severity of punishment, they’re simply not getting the attention they need. In some cultures, like Africa, female circumcision, a form of sexual mutilation, is condoned and accepted by society.

Right here in the States, I’ve heard of a case where a girl was repeatedly raped by her father from an early age, with her mother’s permission. To this day, the girl cannot bring legal charges against her parents. I’ve also heard of a girl who was loaned out (prostituted) to perverts by her mother from the age of 3, in exchange for drug money. That sort of stuff is is really screwed up. That should be the stuff that gets obsessively prosecuted. Instead, we have rapists that can get away with only a few years’ punishment, then get out and rape again and again, while these teachers in the news right now are put through the works for doing something that was pretty much consensual.

Everyone is now rushing to pronounce the verdict and crowd around the “victims” when there are countless other real victims all around us that are getting no positive attention at all. I say look at each teacher-boy encounter individually, mete punishment in accordance with the gravity of the crime, keeping in mind the attenuating circumstances, and if some of those situations only deserve a slap on the hand for the teacher, let’s be honest enough to admit it, as a society. And let’s also be honest enough to admit when a crime is heinous enough to deserve the death punishment (don’t get me started on that).


4 Comments

  1. The law once again steps in the middle of something that’s none of their business. If the parents have a problem with it well then they deal with their kid. Some of these teachers have admitted that they are in love, and love is a beautiful thing. So what does the country do? Lock them up, for being in love. I thought those days were over. What’s next take them in the back and shoot them? Kids are very different nowadays, it ain’t the same, and I think some parents are living in a dreamworld fantasy when it comes to what their kids are doing.

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  2. Laws vary by state. Texas has some pretty stiff (no pun intended) laws regarding sex with a minor – even if the sex is consensual. It’s sexual assault on a minor. Minor is defined as under the age of 17, unless the couple is married by consent of the parents of the minor(s). They’re tough here. I wish they were as tough on some other crimes. Sigh.

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  3. Lane, I was hoping you’d take a look at the bigger picture in this post instead of focusing on statements I made in the very limited 140 character space that is Twitter, which can be misinterpreted quite easily. Are you telling me you didn’t change your opinion of my points of view after reading this post? If so, I’d love to know what more I need to explain to make it clearer?

    As for what I find erotic or not (and erotic is not the term I’d use to describe it), it’s not about that distinction/difference. It’s simply about what each of us finds acceptable or inviting in terms of sexual practice. I am straight and attracted to females that I find attractive, and am therefore not interested in other things. My reply was pretty normal from my point of view.

    As for whether I find that sort of thing to be “abuse” or not given one’s age, I think this is the clincher, isn’t it? This is where we part ways. I’d hoped my extended explanation would make my position clear to you, but I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. I really think it also has to do with whether one is male or female on this one. I guess boys think in very different ways than girls…

    No, of course I wouldn’t be okay with the scenario you describe in the fourth paragraph. But again, we differ on this, because I do think the punishment should be different when it comes to girls vs. boys. Girls are more fragile. They treat things differently than boys. They will get hurt more. To these boys, it was very likely just sex.

    As for the boy that fathered a child with that female teacher, that’s screwed up. Clearly there’s something wrong with that woman if she let herself get impregnated and wanted to have the child afterwards.

    Let me put it this way to make things clearer: I think there’s something wrong with any adult attracted to a child. But there’s a whole lot more wrong with that adult when she (or he, as the case may be) wants to father a child with a child. That’s just crazy.

    As for protecting the children, I’ve heard enough talk about the various levels of “protection” in the States to make me deaf. In the end, it’s all about “cover your ass” politics. It’s about limiting liability in case anything comes to court. It’s not about truly protecting the children.

    And I’m in complete agreement with you about kids having their childhoods. No argument there, hands down.

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  4. Earlier I asked you how you would feel about this scenario if it had been either a male teacher having sexual relations with a minor male student, or an unattractive female having sex with them. Your response was that it would be “gross”. Your assertion that it’s not abuse because they enjoyed and went back for more seems to only apply if the abuser fits your model of what’s acceptable to you sexually: hot older female with male student.

    In other words, you find the scenario erotic, so you think it’s not abuse.

    You also suggest that you think they enjoyed it, so how bad could it be?Both kids and adults often enjoy activities which are bad for them. If a person did drugs or alcohol everyday because he enjoyed it, would you find this acceptable or consider it drug abuse?

    If there is a punishment that we, as a society, have put in place to deal with an adult having sex with children, it has to be enforced fairly to both male and female offenders. Are you okay with a male teacher walking away free after he’s had sex with a 14 year old girl? It’s our job, as adults, to protect children from exploitation, to protect them from things they may enjoy but not understand the longer term repercussions of. Where do you draw the line?

    I also think of that boy that ended up fathering the child with the female teacher who abused him, and how he pretty much had no chance to have a normal child/teen hood as he was sleeping with an older married woman. He never had a chance to play the field and date girls his own age, or any of that. I don’t know if you have kids or not (I don’t) but if I did, I’d want my kids to have a childhood where they didn’t need to be worried with how to support a child and an adult partner.

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