Those of you who are regular readers know that I’ve been sick with some sort of flu-like viral infection – whatever it is, it’s nasty, and it still hasn’t gone away. As a matter of fact, it came back this week for another in-home stay. I’d like to evict it, but I don’t know how.

One “nice” fringe benefit of this thing is that I get to cough a lot, and my throat hurts when I swallow. My PCP says I shouldn’t worry – thanks, doc, thanks a lot! – because it’ll go away eventually. She didn’t prescribe any medicine at all – no antibiotics, no cough medicine, nothing… So, I had to resort to finding some sort of cure, and apparently onion tea is the thing for coughing. Everyone swears it works, although they say it tastes really gross. So, after much prodding from Ligia, I caved in and decided to try it out. Boy, is it nasty! I have to drink 2-3 cups a day, and I almost vomit every time. When you look at it, it’s innocuous enough, but the taste is what kills me. Photos don’t do it justice, but I posted two of them below anyway.

I really think the only thing that would do it justice is a poem. That’s right, a poem! Let’s call it Ode to Onion Tea. I wrote it last night after drinking a cup…

You onion stew, such vile brew,
You make me sick – a nasty trick,
I know.

There you are, a filthy cur,
You stand aloof, nary a spoof,
But real!

I’m all grossed out, your stench
Is all about, you lout!
Anon –

I’ll drink you now, I must,
I know, but I’ll wince, and pinch
My nose.

I can’t complain, th’effects are known,
They’re not a bluff; you heal
My cough.

But must you stink to heaven high
And taste a bit like stale lye
And when I gulp, I want to cry
Enough!

You leave behind a fart-like taste –
I kid you not, the aftertaste
Is smelly.

My pores now reek, right as they leak
In highest feverish pitch,
Of leek.

My urine smells of onions fried,
At least that’s what I hope!
Belied!

How gross you are, o how I wish
That something better did exist
To cure my ill!

Now, dear reader, after this, could you be able to drink this vile thing?

[The title of this post is a bow to Charlie and The Chocolate Factory (2005). The song lyrics in that movie were fantastic!]